It’s tough breaking things off with someone. In fact, it’s so tough that most guys have absolutely no idea how to do it. Instead of being upfront, they “fade out.” He’ll take a long time to respond to texts, until finally, he’ll just stop responding. Or he’ll say he’s always busy. Or something else entirely.
There’s a bunch of nondirect ways to slowly ghost someone or to indirectly state, “I’m not looking for something as serious as you are right now.” Sometimes though, it’s difficult to tell if he’s actually busy or trying to slow down the pace of the relationship.
He never initiates the “I miss you” or “I really like you”
It’s really, really difficult to not reciprocate when someone says they really like you. So the vast majority of the time, if you say something to his face, like “I really like you,” he’s just going to say it back. You put him in this precarious position where the only way to be truthful if he doesn’t like you is to be blatant and hurtful in his response. So odds are, he’s just going to say it, even if he doesn’t mean it.
So a way to see if he really likes you, and in more than a casual way, is to see if after you say it once, he then says it some other time, without being prompted. If you’re always the first one saying how much you miss him, like him, and love spending time with him, that isn’t a great sign. Both you and he should be saying it.
He never talks about the future
You’re nowhere to be found in this man’s future and he never uses the plural “we” when talking about it. It’s not that he just doesn’t talk about marriage and other things related to your relationship, he doesn’t include you in his short or long term plans either. When you’re with a guy like this, you can’t help but notice that he doesn’t see your relationship as something that might last.
Instead, he sees it as a short term fling, nothing more, because he obviously doesn’t plan on you sticking around for much longer.
He is only interested in sex
The biggest red flag that a guy wants to keep things casual is the way he treats you as nothing more than a booty call. Yes, we are all interested in having sex with the person we are attracted to and having a man we like being all over us all the time is a compliment, but if this is all that he’s doing, it’s time to question this relationship.
This guy is always too busy to spend time with you except when you’re inviting him over.
He is always in the mood for sex, but he is always too tired to listen to you or to go out with you.
He’s not introducing you to his friends
When you like someone, and you think it may lead somewhere serious, you introduce the new guy you have a crush on to your friends. Everyone does this. Everyone wants to know what their friends think of the new guy they just started dating. So if he’s not doing this, it’s a big red flag.
He isn’t consistent
Another undeniable sign that he doesn’t want anything serious is the fact that you never know where you stand with this man. He isn’t consistent nor clear about his feelings, and whenever you try talking things through, he avoids the conversation. Even though he refuses to label things, there are times when he acts like the best boyfriend ever. Times when you’re certain of his love and when you get your hopes up that you two will take your relationship to the next level.
Then he suddenly disappears, making it clear that he doesn’t owe you an explanation about what he’s doing or who he’s spending his time with.
Times when he disappoints you all over again and makes sure you realize that you’re not as special to him as you might think.
You’re not hanging out in public
Do all of your dates consist of staying in bed, having sex, and watching TV? Then that’s probably all he’s looking for. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with this, but just make sure that you’re on the same page as he is. Because odds are, he doesn’t want a more serious relationship.
That would be a nice example of polite deflecting. In fact, you may take this as positive affirmation that he wants to go, but that’s not what what’s happening. He didn’t commit with a yes. He simply said it will be fun, and he’ll have to “look at his schedule.” Now he may just be busy, but if he doesn’t get back to you with dates to hangout, and you have to keep reminding him, then it’s clear he doesn’t want to plan that far ahead with you.