Like many women, I also admit that I have always been guilty of falling in love with bad guys. I always had this kind of imaginary list of qualities that my partner should have, and every time I met someone who had everything on the list, I ended up being disappointed. I couldn’t understand why this “curse” had become a long, endless rehearsal, and I didn’t know how to stop it. It’s really frustrating to think that you’ve met the one every time you meet someone who has the qualities you’ve been looking for for so long. But then things changed.
Things changed dramatically when I met my current boyfriend. It made me realize that these qualities I was looking for are actually big bullshit because my current boyfriend doesn’t have all of them, and I’ve never been happier in my life!
SOMEONE WHO’S SPONTANEOUS
This tends to be code to be unreliable and unpredictable. I was always attracted to adventurous men who not only followed my crazy and random plans without notice but also trained on theirs. This created problems that could have been avoided if plans had been made instead of doing things on a whim. It is also very difficult to feel secure in a relationship with someone who is spontaneous to the point of excess. My boyfriend is flexible and doesn’t care when plans change or something pops up out of the blue, but he doesn’t have that insatiable urge to be spontaneous.
Someone who’s the life of the party
As with the previous one, I chose my partners based on how welcoming and fun they were. I always fell in love with these party guys, who were insatiable about drinking, dancing and making fun of themselves. But, now I realize that it was totally wrong, and I know perfectly why. This is because the guys who make up the party crave attention (aka attention whores), and it can be really stressful and sometimes unbearable to handle them in certain situations.
SOMEONE WITH PROBLEMS THAT NEED FIXING
Before I went out with my current boyfriend, I always went out with guys who needed to be fixed. I am a very empathetic and understanding person, and although these two qualities are good, they can also be my tragic fault. Part of the reason I was attracted to the guys who needed to be corrected was that focusing on their problems was a way to avoid working on my own problems. I also used to believe that the idea of our love or our relationship to save someone was romantic, but I learned now that it is impossible to save or repair someone else – they have to do it by themselves. My boyfriend and I encourage each other to make healthy, positive changes in our lives, but we don’t expect each of us to “solve” each other’s problems.
Someone who wants to please me in every way possible
What I mean is I don’t want someone who wants to please me mentally in every way possible. I don’t want someone who is afraid to contradict me when needed and to say what they really mean. Unfortunately, I’ve realized it too late, but better late than never, right?
Someone Who Conscientiousness About You
Consciousness is about being reliable, practical, obeying the rules and organized. It may not sound like the sexiest set of traits, but it’s a good package for a long-term partner. Conscientious people tend to integrate this trait into their relationships and are more reliable and trustworthy. Less conscientious people are more difficult to manage in a relationship – they cancel plans, default on their obligations in the house, act negligently and keep their promises. This unpopular child in high school who has always done his homework and followed all the rules could make a more reliable and reliable spouse in the future.
Someone who’s just there to provide me with an escape
We return to the bad boys. All the while, I just wanted to be with someone who was just there to provide me with an escape. I always fell in love with the bad boys who made crazy shit that increased their adrenaline, and it made me feel so alive. I thought I was living in the moment, only to realize that I was really missing instead. With my current boyfriend, I learned that to live in the moment is to be present physically and mentally, without this crazy shit and without needing to prove something that is not true.
I realized that I didn’t need it. Real relationships are about being there for each other and focusing on the right things instead of providing an escape route. And believe me, I have never been happier in my life!