Most women would overreact. They would make some stupid moves in order to get the guy’s attention. But you won’t because I will tell you the secrets to gaining his attention even though it might feel now like a lost cause.

For situations like this, for a ‘disease’ called pulling away, you need the secret ‘medicine’ called IGNORE.

Even though it seems simple and quite obvious, believe me—when emotions are involved, you will have a difficult time controlling your actions. Sometimes you even catch yourself doing things you swore you never would. Here are some tips to make the mission of ignoring him and getting his attention back more likely to succeed:

Stop Being So Freakin’ Accommodating

Seriously. In the early stages of a romantic connection, what turns people off the most is desperation and neediness. Maybe you don’t see it that way, but sometimes being too accommodating and agreeable can send the signal that you’re needy.  For example, let’s say that you make it clear that you don’t eat shrimp because you believe that they’re sentient beings. In other words, it’s against your ethics to eat them. Let’s say that the guy you like knows this and offers a nice shrimp cocktail to you anyway. Not wanting to turn him down, you eat them. This is being overly accommodating. In the moment, he may be happy that you accepted, but in general you.

But if you stop doing the things for him that you once did, he might start to take notice. Try saying “no” to him next time he asks you for a favor.

Make Sure He’s Having a Good Time When He Sees You

Context is everything. If he’s always in a bad mood in an environment he hates when he sees you, he may come to quickly associate you with it.

For example, did you meet at work and he doesn’t like his job? Why would he want to solidify his ties to his job even more by dating someone that he met there? So he can talk about work even when he’s out on a date?

Make sure that you see him outside of this environment. Invite him out somewhere as “friends” where you know that he’ll have a good time. If he associates you with a fun night out instead of tedium, then you’re more likely to get his attention back.

Ignore the need to overreact.

Most women tend to jump to conclusions. Maybe nothing is wrong, but you imagine it might be because he didn’t answer your text right away or he didn’t put a heart emoji at the end of a goodnight message. Whatever you do, first make sure that a reason to worry and to react actually exists and that you need to react in some way. Constant complaints and making noise all the time about the little things can make him run as fast as he can. Nobody wants to hear constant whining, especially for no reason.  Choose your battles wisely. If you really have an issue, you need to address it with him, and make sure it’s a valid one. If he hurts you in any way, you should tell him openly. However, exaggeration might suffocate a relationship.

You want him to see you as a woman who doesn’t overthink his every word. Your life is your own, and you don’t have time to obsess about every little thing he does. You should only want to solve bigger problems. He might even be surprised or concerned why you didn’t react to the things you would normally lose your mind about.

Stop ignoring yourself, and he will stop ignoring you too

Put yourself first. Don’t be too attentive to his needs and don’t jump to every phone call and every last-minute invitation he gives you. You don’t need to act busy. You need to be busy—busy with yourself. Make your life function the way you want it to. Pay attention to your needs, too. You have your studies, your friends and family, your work, your career plans, your activities, and interests—regardless of him.

You have to have your own life, and he should be an important part of it. If you are too accommodating, he will get used to it. He will take your time for granted and naturally assume that you will always make time for him. He should be the one adjusting his plans to fit your schedule—at least sometimes.

Make It Clear That You Don’t Want Anything From Him

You know what turns a guy off faster than smelly breath or a bushy armpit? The weird sense that a girl is expecting something from him or wants something from him, besides just a fun, light-heated connection. These ulterior motives can take many forms. Make sure that you don’t secretly want to take advantage of:

  • His social status.
  • His money.
  • The fact that he’s a good shoulder to cry on.
  • The possibility of marriage.

Sure, it might be normal for a woman to be attracted to a man partially because of his social status and success. That’s just biology. But if a part of you is scheming about how you can use these perks, he’ll probably sense your social vampirism right away. Make sure that you are interested in this guy simply because you’re interested in who he is. If you want him for anything else, he’s sure to get turned off eventually–unless he’s desperate himself.

Don’t Ignore the Role of Physical Attraction

It’s easy for people to say “It’s what’s inside that counts!” Ultimately, this is kind of true–but it’s also true that women tend to underestimate the huge role that physical attraction has for a man. Maybe you would date a guy who is just okay-looking, and as long as he is confident and successful, you don’t really care if he is ripped and has 8-pack abs.  Now, does this mean that you have to be a beauty queen? Of course not. “Physically attractive” means something different to every guy. While your appearance is important, different men value different physical traits on a woman. Also, you don’t have to be perfect in his eyes, either. You just have to be attractive enough to arouse him, that’s all.

While I don’t recommend changing the way you look just to appeal to a particular guy, it may shed some light into why he lost interest. Also, there’s nothing wrong with sprucing yourself up a bit and ditching the frumpy sweatpants when you’re around him.

In later stages of a relationship, your appearance will matter less. If you’re trying to get his initial attention, though, you’ll have to consider these “superficial” factors.

Spark his jealousy

Men are very competitive and sometimes all they need is a bit of jealousy to make them get up and go after you. He might not even see what he has right in front of him until there is a threat that somebody else may take it away. So, flirt, but in a way where you give your attention to others. Talk to some other man, smile a lot, touch his shoulder and have your focus only on him. Make sure your man can see you talking to some other guy and don’t pay attention to anything other than the guy you are talking to.

Sparking jealousy is one of the most dangerous tactics because it might send him a message that you are uninterested or that you are interested in somebody else. So make sure not to overdo the flirting game too much as jealousy will only drive him away. You need just a spark, not a massive fire.

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