There are three parts to setting boundaries.

  1. Identify your limits. Be clear about what you need before trying to communicate or enforce the border.
  2. Communicate your limits or expectations clearly, calmly and consistently. Stay true to the facts without over-explaining, blaming, or becoming defensive.
  3. If your limits are not met, assess your options and take action.

Who are toxic people?

Toxic people are people who give off negative energy and make us feel worse when we are around them. I firmly believe that your gut will tell you if someone is toxic and not healthy, but if you want a little more advice, here are some of the characteristics of toxic people.

Toxic people:

Lying regularly
Enjoy your kindness
Do not respect your limits
You manipulate to get what they want
Knock you down
Don’t encourage yourself to pursue your goals
Ignore the feelings or needs of others
Feel right
Are often angry or aggressive
Rarely apologize
Drain your energy
You have a lot of “dramas” or problems, but you don’t want to change
Think the rules don’t apply to them
Speak, but don’t listen

What if someone won’t respect your boundaries?

Defining boundary is an ongoing process and there is no quick fix for dealing with boundary violators. The bottom line is that we cannot force people to respect our limits, but we can control how we react. The following ideas can help you choose the best approach to deal with chronic boundary violations.

1. Recognize our limits

If we do not know where we are, we cannot set firm limits. We need to identify our emotional, mental, physical and spiritual limits. We need to consider what we can tolerate and accept and what makes us uncomfortable or distressed. These feelings help us to identify our limits.

2. Be in tune with our feelings

The red flags that we are starting to leave our borders are resentment and discomfort. Thinking of these feelings on a scale of one to ten, six to ten are at the top level. At the higher level, during an interaction, we must ask ourselves the cause. Frequently, this indicates that we are going over the limit because of shame. We may want to be the perfect wife or daughter, or someone can express their expectations of us.

Our childhood can create barriers to setting and maintaining boundaries later in life. By being gatekeepers early in life, we learn to focus on others, allowing us to empty ourselves emotionally and physically. Ignoring our own needs becomes a habit for us. Unhealthy environments also play a role. We must ask ourselves if there are healthy mutual concessions. Listening to and respecting our needs and feelings is essential to our health.

7. Making essential personal care

We must allow ourselves to make personal care our most important goal. In doing so, our determination to set limits is strengthened. Caring for yourself helps us realize how essential our feelings are and we are starting to honor them. Caring for us shows us what makes us happy and miserable. By giving us a priority, we receive peace of mind, encouragement, rest and motivation to be more present with others, and we also become better people. Limited contact is not intended to punish or manipulate others, it is a form of personal care.

If someone hurts you physically or emotionally, you need to put some distance between yourself and that person. Despite what others may say, you don’t have to have a relationship with family members or anyone who makes you feel bad. Family and friends should lift and support you, not leave you depressed, anxious, angry or confused.

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