Sometimes after a breakup, you realize you still have feelings for your ex and want to be with them again. Asking your ex to get back together can be scary, but if you take your time and learn from the past, there’s a chance they’ll say yes.
Understand the breakup. What did each of you do to contribute to the breakup? Most relationship troubles do not crop up unexpectedly, but build up over time. The odds are good that it wasn’t a one-sided problem and that there were signs that it was coming. Take some time and do some soul searching before you attempt to get your ex back. You want to make sure you are not wasting your time or energy on something futile.
Recall who initiated the breakup. Was it you? If so, did you do it after careful thought or in a fit of anger that you now regret? Was it your ex, and did he or she have specific reasons? Was it a mutual decision?
Interpret your emotions. In the pain and confusion of a breakup, it can be easy to confuse your emotions, interpreting feelings of loneliness and hurt as evidence that you need your ex back in your life. In fact, almost everyone who experiences a breakup initially feels remorse for the lost relationship, coupled with feelings of anxiety, guilt, depression, and loneliness. Generally, the more serious the relationship was, the more severe these feelings tend to be; couples who are married or cohabiting tend to have the worst breakups, whereas those who were casually dating tend to have an easier time in the aftermath of a breakup. But the severity of your feelings does not automatically mean that you should get back together with your ex.
Avoid contact for the first month after the break-up. They will call you if they want to talk. If they don’t, nothing you say or wear will change that. Sometimes, ignoring your ex makes them feel like you are perfectly fine without them and are moving on, which is the exact opposite of what they want. Avoiding contact is not just a passive-aggressive way to make your ex miss you. It gives you time to do the things you need to do to prepare yourself for a new relationship (whether it’s with your ex or someone new!). Take time during this month to get to know yourself as an individual and to work on areas that you may have let slip during your relationship with your ex. If you contributed to the breakup, this is the time to pinpoint your relationship weaknesses and do the hard work to improve as a human being.
Do not pursue your ex during this time. That means no calling, texting, or asking around about how he or she is doing. Most importantly, do not ask your ex questions about why the breakup happened or about whether he or she is seeing anyone. This comes across as desperate. While it is important to not pursue your ex for a month or so, it’s okay to be responsive if he or she pursues you. In other words, if you get a call, don’t hang up on your ex or refuse to talk. It is not necessary to try to play mind games or play hard to get, and doing so would have the potential to push him or her further away, which is the opposite of your goal at this point.
Be the person your ex fell in love with. Try to think back to when the two of you first got together. What about you did he or she love? Was it your quirky jokes, or maybe your amazing sense of style. Whatever it may be, try to rekindle the fire the same way the flame was started before. Your ex was attracted to you because they felt good with you and you were fulfilling their emotional needs. How have you changed (if at all)? Correct bad habits and mistakes, if any. Be positive around them. Laugh and smile. Always stay positive to feel good about yourself and make yourself attractive to others.
Improve your appearance. Get a few items of new clothing, alter your hairstyle, hit the gym, or do your nails. Make yourself stand out and seem fresh from what your ex remembers of you. While you do not want to change who you are in order to get your ex back (because eventually they would leave again, since the real you has to return at some point), it is always helpful to be the best you can be. Your ex was attracted to you and you can try to regain that attraction.
Casually hang out with your ex. Do something non-committal like have a drink with friends or play miniature golf, including him or her with others. Make it something friends and first dates alike can do. And whatever it is, keep it fun and skip out on the serious talks for now. Every relationship should be built on a firm foundation of friendship, so it is important to make sure that your friendship is intact before trying to move to romance territory.