Don’t come back to him: you’re better off alone. Trust me, he is not worth it. I know you are trying to be strong. But after going home after putting a fake smile in front of his friends, he lies down in bed at night and cannot prevent his mind from wandering towards him. You can’t help thinking about him and wishing that things don’t get so messy and complicated. You wonder where love went wrong and how things got so bad. He is no longer the man you fell in love with and you don’t know when he became someone you didn’t know, but you desperately want to get him back. He wants things to go back to the way they used to be.
You want him to see that his behavior and his actions are wrong, but he won’t. He is looking for someone else to blame, to get his anger and problems out and unfortunately that person is you. You did nothing wrong, you are not the root of your problems, it is, but you cannot accept that. She is too stubborn to admit that she is wrong and too stupid to apologize.
1. There are constant “if-only.”
Whether you, your partner or both of you have these thoughts, it is a bad sign if there is always a feeling that the relationship could be satisfactory if only one thing changed fundamentally. Yes, many relationships go through phases in which things do not feel quite right, but in the case of a relationship that constantly needs to be fixed, true satisfaction will always feel out of reach. One or both people can begin to live in the hypothetical and perhaps unattainable future, rather than in the here and now, which prevents the possibility of true happiness.
2. You don’t feel understood.
Perhaps you feel that you are loved only under certain conditions, or maintain a facade for your partner. This can get in the way of true emotional intimacy and feel empty over time: the idea that your partner would not really love the “true” you if you really allowed yourself to be that person. Perhaps you are pretending to be someone you are not, hiding an important part of your personality or even pretending interest in certain hobbies or activities to keep them happy, allowing them to make decisions about how you spend your time.
3. You hide major parts of your partner from friends and family.
You may cover your partner’s alcohol consumption or lie about how well they treat others. You may be ashamed to admit how often you fight, or find yourself censoring the fact that your partner has a long-standing problem with the game, or you have lost confidence in their faithfulness. If you find yourself painting a picture of your partner to other people who are not representative of who they are, it is a sign that they simply do not live up to the standards you know you should have. But if you constantly make your partner become someone who is not for multiple friends or family, that is a sign that you know they are not someone with whom you are proud to be.