Do you have the impression that recently everything is being pushed to one or the other of the two opposite extremes? I have the impression that there is no common ground.
Whether it’s something as complex as politics or as simple as makeup, you always have to choose sides.
There is always the “right” side or the right way to do something, and then there is the “wrong” side and the way to do it.
Unfortunately, that doesn’t leave much room for real conversation and debate, as everyone clings to pre-set rules so tightly.
This ‘black or white’ method of living and perceiving the world around us has also found its way into the way we deal with our emotional lives.
We feel compelled to either control ourselves and always push ourselves to the limit and “be the best version of ourselves” or be spontaneous, show emotions and agree that we are “enough as we are” .
The truth is, you are already the best version of yourself because everyone is doing their best, even when they think it is “not enough”.
You can have both
Even when you are hurt and cry, even when you give in to self-destructive habits, you are doing your best at that given movement and therefore, it is enough.
I remember when my friend cheated on her then boyfriend who she was not happy with.
She felt guilty for cheating but at the same time, and only after letting her needs be met elsewhere, did she finally realize that her relationship was not enough for her.
Now, I don’t approve of cheating as a way to solve your problems; in fact, I want to stress that you don’t have to complicate your life so that you can meet your needs in a much healthier way.
And how do you do this?
Listening to you. Feel yourself…… no matter how irrational you are….. and try to observe your emotions.
It’s not about punishing but self-compassion
In order to get your emotions under control, you first need to know what triggers them and that won’t happen if you continue to avoid them.
I can guarantee you that after a real and honest breakdown, either by yourself or with someone you trust, you will have a clearer view of the situation that has upset you.
Allowing yourself to feel emotions, instead of ignoring them and sweeping them under the rug, will ultimately help you be at peace with yourself.
Whenever we decide to have compassion for ourselves and give ourselves time, the less intense our emotions become.
Control is not about restriction, it is about knowing what is good for you and then having the discipline to practice what is good.
In other words, don’t be fooled. It also means preventing yourself from blaming others for your own shortcomings.
Almost all of our relationships are a reflection of ourselves anyway, so before you blame another person for making you feel a certain way, think about why you are leaving them.
No one can give you what you really need other than yourself, so why won’t you stop avoiding your emotions and greeting them instead?
You will never stop being yourself, so let yourself be your friend.