Meeting a widower is one of the most difficult and, at the same time, rewarding things you will ever experience.
Will it all be moonlight and roses? No! Will this be the hardest test of your love? Yes. Will you pass it? It’s yours.
You see, dating a widower comes with a lot of hardships, especially if you’re the first person they let into their life after their late spouse has passed away.
But if the love is real, you can both overcome each of them. Here’s exactly how to do it!
4 essential tips for dating a widower
When you are dating a man who has lost his wife, you can forget almost all the relationship advice you have heard. Believe me: this situation is completely different and involves an entirely new set of rules.
Here are some professional dating tips for having a relationship with a widowed man.
1. Be aware of the situation
You need to be fully aware of what you are getting yourself into, before starting your new love with a widower.
I know what you must be thinking: We’ve all had exes, and every partner you get involved with will have a past.
After all, you are both adults and you wouldn’t like to be with someone who has absolutely no history in the dating world.
Well, that’s your number one mistake: thinking that being with a divorced man and a widower is the same thing. Believe me when I tell you that these two situations cannot be compared.
It may sound like a harsh truth, but the point is, your new boyfriend would probably never have divorced his late wife. He didn’t decide to go on with his life without her.
Their marriage didn’t end because they stopped loving each other, because someone found a new love, or just because they chose it was better to go their separate ways.
Therefore, you cannot expect this man’s emotions to die off overnight.
He doesn’t blame her, he never gets tired of this woman and he doesn’t blame her for anything.
I’m trying to say that she didn’t become part of her past because of something either of them did – it was nothing more than fate.
Plus, if both have kids, he’s the only one looking after them now. This is especially important if we are talking about smaller children.
The full responsibility for their education rests solely on this man’s back. Among other things, this means that you will live with them if you are planning on having a serious relationship.
So, you have to ask yourself if you are ready for all of this. Getting involved with a widower is unlike any of your previous relationships, so it’s normal to have doubts.
Remember one thing: it’s much more honest to go back if you think it’s too much for you than to torture each other for years.
2. Let him cry
I’ll be extremely honest with you, just because this man has decided he is ready to go looking for new girls or creating a dating profile on a dating site that doesn’t mean everything will be perfect for him soon. the beginning.
There will be good days and bad days. I’m not just talking about your relationship here: I’m talking about its grieving process.
No matter how much time has passed since the love of his life died – there will still be times when he will think about her and even miss her.
What you need to do is give her a chance to mourn the loss of a spouse.
No, that doesn’t mean you should allow your entire relationship to be dedicated to him. After all, you need a fully devoted partner, not one who will constantly mourn for his deceased wife.
However, especially on important dates, please have some understanding for this guy.
On the anniversary of her death, give him some space and time to visit his wife’s grave or to see her relatives or friends on her birthday.
It’s not a sign that he doesn’t like you. It is also not a sign that he has not healed or that he is living in the past.
Rather, it’s just a confirmation that you’re in a relationship with a human – not a robot who can cut off his emotions when he feels like it. Believe me: this kind of behavior is completely normal.
You should be happy with the fact that he shares his feelings with you. This man clearly trusts you enough to show you his vulnerabilities.
On the other hand, if he sees that you are bothered by his occasional grief episodes, they won’t stop – he will just start hiding them from you. He will close that part of himself and he will continue to cry in silence.
Therefore, it will form a deep rift between the two of you, and that’s the last thing you want to achieve.
3. Be nice
Let’s be clear about one thing: it’s not your job to mend broken men. You are under no obligation to heal their wounds or put their broken hearts back together.
This would be what I would tell you if you get involved with a toxic manipulator who tries to justify his bad actions with his emotional unavailability. But it’s not that kind of scenario.
Yes, this man is crushed to pieces. I won’t lie to you: part of him is irreparably shattered.
However, nothing that happened was his fault. Besides, you thought about it and you knew very well what to expect.
He didn’t cheat on you in this relationship. Therefore, you knew his whole situation.
So you consciously choose a man who survived the death of a spouse. Well, when you did that, you also chose his emotional baggage.
Therefore, you have to be especially gentle with this guy. He’s unlike any other man you’ve met before.
He has wounds that you can’t even grab, and his pain is beyond your reach. So please be very nice to him.
When the two of you fight, choose your words carefully. Don’t dare hit him under the belt and use his loss of spouse as a weapon against him.
Most importantly, remember that this man suffers from the trauma of abandonment. Whether you like to admit it or not, one of the most important people in his life unwittingly abandoned him.
So it’s only natural that he is terrified that something similar will happen again.
So please don’t threaten to break up with him when you’re in the middle of an argument unless you really plan to do so.
4. To be curious
There will be times when your partner has a desire to talk about their late spouse. Don’t see this as an attack on you or your relationship – see it as something completely normal.
If you see that he is ready to share some details about his marriage or his wife, then let him. Not only that: show curiosity.
Show this man that you want to know all parts of him, including those about his deceased wife. Believe me: he needs your encouragement.
He needs to see that you are genuinely interested in his stories and that you don’t feel threatened every time he mentions them.
Again, your whole relationship shouldn’t be an elegy for this woman. But if you want you to bond deeply, be prepared to hear about it as well.