Have you seen that one girl, who makes eye contact with everyone she passes on the sidewalk and smiles; the girl who somehow loves herself when the world shows it doesn’t? She can be found in any size department in any store, in any country across the globe. Women with confidence are glowing with self-love and self-worth. Women who exude this confidence make it seem natural, deserved, and effortless.
The confidence you crave doesn’t come in a magic potion or spellbook; it comes from the choices women make every day. Through experience, trial and error, and an ever-growing background in the field of psychology, I can proudly say I’ve figured out the formula for authentic, genuine, sincere, compelling confidence. The type of confidence that doesn’t point out your minuscule flaws or compare you to other women.
Choices don’t only lead confident women to their success; choices can also lead insecure women to poor decision-making skills and misguided personal relationships. You may be thinking:
“But it’s hard for me to be confident because I’m an introvert.”
“I’ve always been shy; there’s no way I could be that carefree.”
“I’m not super insecure; I just don’t exude powerful confidence.”
These are excuses, plain and simple. I’m introverted, I’ve felt insecure and undeserving of worth. But I didn’t let that stop me from pursuing the powerful, authentic confidence I wanted. That’s because I realized that ultimately the choices I made, the habits I nurtured or terminated, were what develops my mental health. The confidence I have is from practice, experience, time, and the overwhelming desire to not give in to comparisons or societal standards.
It’s not impossible to develop healthy, confidence-boosting habits of your own. These habits will shape and mold how you, and others, view your self-worth. Listed below are the ten habits of confident women, choose the habits you can nurture and blow everyone away with your authentic confidence.
They don’t over-apologize
This has been a habit I’ve been trying to break for FOREVER. It’s like every time something happens the first thing I want to say is “Sorry”. Don’t get me wrong, there is a time and a place for apologizing, but it shouldn’t be the first thing that comes to mind. Do y’all know what I mean? Challenge yourself to be hyper-aware of how many times a day you apologize for something and try to lessen it moving forward. At least unless you are actually sorry slash you screwed up (but chances are you’re saying it even when it’s not your fault/not necessary right??).
They know when to say no
I really tried to fully embrace this concept in 2018. In my early and mid-twenties, I thought it was the cool thing to always say yes to everything so I could be busy and please everyone. But now I place so much more value on only taking things on that really fit with my lifestyle and schedule. To be honest, I struggle with it a lot, but saying no kinda makes me feel like I have more control over my life and I want to hold onto that.
They aren’t afraid of being true to themselves
I think this is one that comes more with age. The older we get, the more we just feel comfortable in our own skin. But if you’re someone who has always been this way, props! I admire the women who TRULY do not care about conforming or can put their real selves out into the world without worrying about what’s “cool”. I definitely think I’ve grown in the last year when it comes to this, but still something to work on.
They listen more than they speak
Have you ever met a confident woman who, after the conversation, you realize was way cooler and collected than you? Or almost makes you regret/question 45 things you said because you were blabbering? Same. Something I’ve always witnessed with successful and confident women is their ability to LISTEN. Without having to have a story about themselves or even being part of the conversation at all times. As women, I think a lot of the things we feel like we need to be heard, and while that’s true in many situations, there’s SO much power in listening/observing/learning. Try it! I am.
They take care of themselves
When I say this, I don’t just mean in the vanity way like staying fit (although eating well and moving your body is important, too). I mean more like, they know when they need rest and they give it to themselves. And here’s the kicker – they don’t feel bad about it! Knowing what you need to keep yourself healthy is SO important, but learning not to feel about it is even more so.
They don’t need praise all the time
Praise always feels amazing, but confident women know when they knocked something out of the park. Whenever I worked really hard on a project and didn’t get a gold star for my time and effort, I used to take it so personally (oldest child perfectionist probs). As I’ve evolved and gotten older, though, I’ve learned to recognize my success on my own without needing validation from someone else to make me feel good.
They aren’t afraid to try and fail
Let me be clear here, no one enjoys failure. But I think confident women aren’t afraid to seize an opportunity or try something new even when they know failure is possible. I don’t know about you, but if failure is anywhere in sight, I tend to err on the side of caution and play it safe. Aka I avoid doing the task and get really overwhelmed. This is something I really want to work in 2019 because I think taking calculated risks can have major payoffs (and not just the financial kind).
They aren’t afraid of being alone
This one can be interpreted several different ways, but I think my perspective on it is this: A confident woman doesn’t depend on anyone else – a husband, boyfriend, friends, family members, etc. – to feel content with herself. It can be easy to try to search for your happiness in other people (in both romantic relationships and friendships). Like you depend on those people or a certain person to bring you joy and contentment. But I think part of being confident is knowing you can do that all by yourself. Because you can!
They support other women
In a world where we hear the phrase “collaboration over competition” non-stop, how many of us women actually feel this way? Seriously?! I’m definitely guilty of the occasional moment of comparison and wanting to “win”. Learning to faithfully and honestly support other women instead of just saying we do will help us ALL go so much further.
They hold themselves accountable
One thing I’m really focusing on in 2019 is being more consistent with all the things I want to do better in my life. I’m kinda tired of being like, “oops, I didn’t even go on a walk today” and then just moving on like it’s no big deal. I want to hold myself accountable and a lot of that comes with staying focused while working. Fingers crossed this will be the year of accountability for me because I know it’s a trait a lot of confident women have.